Communicate. This is what us kids refer to as a Booty Call. Some guys are amongst my absolute best friends. Not to mention the fact that the lie would be exposed eventually and probably ruin both relationships yours and theirs. He was supposed to come over on 3 seperate occasions but never showed. That makes me wonder if hubby has a jealousy issue in general. If so, maybe rethink your friendship with Joe. I just get along much better with guys, as a general rule. I really don't mean to sound puritanical, but if I were to hang out with a single male friend, it would be in public with my husband's knowledge and with an open invitation to husband to join us, or it would be me + husband inviting the friend to our house, or me + husband visiting the friend at his. I think if this friendship makes your husband upset, then you need to end the friendship. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. If there is some doubt about that remind her. 5. I've tried not mentioning his phone calls, but then I feel like I'm hiding something and I do not hide things from my husband. @media(min-width:0px){#div-gpt-ad-mamapedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0-asloaded{max-width:728px!important;max-height:90px!important;}}if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[728,90],'mamapedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_11',642,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-mamapedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');Here's the thing there really is no such thing as a completely platonic relationship b/w a man and a woman except for a few rare circumstances, none of which apply to you. Morgan Wade Was Looking for the Spotlight. It Found Her. - The My husband will tell you that NO man is just friends with a woman. Some suggest your husband is controlling but I don't think he is because he doesn't get bent out of shape when you close the door to speak with the girlfriends. Wow, thanks for all the varied responses! I could be ragingly jealous of that, but it doesn't bother me. My wife has a persistant guy friend Ask Amy: Couple plans to gently conclude relationship with the I was jealous at first, but once she explained the situation to me and I met the guy and we all hung out, I was okay with it. Perhaps he has never had a female friend with having other motives, but these types of friendships happen all the time. Inadvertently He should also trust YOU, his wife, that if any flirtation was occuring you would end that friendship because you are not interested and love your husband completely. WebI'm jealous of my girlfriend's guy friends. Heres where the perfect love tale meets real life. How to Deal With Your Partners Jealousy Heck, we are even friends with some of each other's exs!!! Sometimes it is "fear of the unknown" that is the hardest thing to overcome. If you can do this, it will be easier to trust your wife and feel secure in your relationship. I met him, he seems cool, but he's been out of the picture for almost a decade since we've moved so much. The next time you remember some of the signs your friend is jealous around you. My husband and I hardly ever see eachother though. Would you be jealous? If shes open and honest with you, it will help ease your mind. I asked my husband to come with me and he actually said - oh, you guys probably want to talk and I'll be bored - you go to dinner with him and maybe come back to the house so I can meet him afterwards. If you know your partner is anxiously attached, this is the best approach to take. It would mean his daughter might have to give up correspondence with Joe's soon-to-be stepdaughter. Dont turn your relationship into a trial. But he is married and had kids, and I was the one that had to "lose" him, which I didn't really understand at first (why??? **Updated. One of the best things you can do is to spend a romantic night without the kids. Kind of like a surprise visit. I have a very good friend, and her marriage just ended. Jealousy is typically considered a negative emotion, but psychological astrologer/frequent goop contributor Jennifer Freed, Ph.D. counters that it can be a compelling motivator for self-growth, and reinforce the connections that matter most to you. There are plenty of things you can do to keep the spark alive, even when youre short on time and energy. He had us all meet together (so she could see me again with my family, and I could introduce my family to them). If you sit back and let this guy charm her, then maybe she'll end up feeling that she has more in common with him than you. I expect my husband to drop female friends I am not comfortable with and after a long drawn out argument he always does. You have to decide if your marriage is a priority or not. 18. What to do when your partner has a flirty friendship WebRetroactive or retrospective jealousy is a form of jealousy about ones' partner's past sexual experiences. Life changes. WebIf you suspect a certain friend might be jealous, chat to them about your relationship and how you feel, Sussman said. He may try to put a wedge between you and your wife or make himself look better than you in front of her. So for my wife to start "hanging out" with a old guy friend would really set off alarms within me. Would your husband be OK if the two of you emailed each other or wrote letters to "catch up" a few times a year? Is this wrong? She does not need to be going anywhere without you at 10:30pm, especially to some other guys apartment. You should tell her that she's not the issue and that your only concern is the male friend. Honestly, if this were a straight woman friend. WebNo, no you shouldn't. My friendship with "Joe" upsets my husband. He has recently told me his wife is jealous of me and If she still feels geographically isolated and possibly resentful about living in WY, then this may be her way of escaping the issue, the situation, and the relationship. But you ARE hurting him by continuing to do something that upsets him. WebTalk about your feelings. Build healthy coping skills. Verify whether or not you are being irrationally paranoid here (I do not believe you are) and then proceed on your lawyers advice. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Wife There's past trust issues you're still dealing with, and this current issue does not inspire much trust. At first, the texts were all friendly and we were texting about 10-30 times per day (like your wife). I dont know if its me, or if I have good reasons to be suspicious. Life is different, but it is wonderful, for both of us. and so on. Whether it is completely friendly, its just kind of disrespectful towards your husband. He is a married man. Miss Manners: Best friend's fiance wants me to drop out of the WebHe might not be jealous of him in the standard "I don't like my wife having male friends" way. But the point is your wife does not respect your feelings and that sucks big time. If your wifes best friend starts talking about marriage or children, it may be a sign that he has feelings for her. That is the ONLY difference. The jealousy youre feeling is a symptom, not the cause. It seems a bit extreme for him to get that upset over things. It would be hard for me to give up this friendship given the background. Bruce Williss wife shared a PSA on showing up for yourself too. He asked me to attend his wedding as his best woman. I, of course, accepted. If your wife is happy in her marriage and isnt interested in having an affair, then theres no need to worry. You say your husband is your #1 and you never want to hurt him. It isn't worth a marriage, at least to me it's not. Cookie Notice You say your wife doesn't have a lot of friends where you are -- can she join a women's volunteer organization such as the Junior League or a church women's group or something like that? It starts as an innocent friendship. Good luck. WebLundquist said if you're jealous of your friend's relationship because you're feeling bad about your own romantic life, go to therapy to work through the issue. My husband and I are a social unit, and that's how we present ourselves. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. is there any compromise he is willing to consider? If your wife is texting her male friend on a daily basis, it might be something that you want to talk to her about. The jealousy entirely comes when the guy doesnt trust his girlfriend and thinks she might cheat on him. That's what let's the friendship grow. wow, i'm surprised at the vast spectrum of responses here too! Something went wrong. Not every friendship is a healthy friendship. You don't have romantic feelings for Joe. Subtly inquire about the coworkers relationship status. Mar 9, 2010. This will help you to feel close to your wife and remind you of the good times youve had together. If you notice this happening, its important to talk to your wife and best friend to see whats going on. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). I actually reconnected with one-totally innocent-and could tell his wife was uncomfortable with me, so I quit corresponding out of respect. friend If your wifes best friend makes himself available to her, it may be a sign that he has feelings for her. We have a wonderful marriage, that we protect at all costs. Then maybe she'd be able to meet her social needs without clinging so hard to a single individual to the detriment of your marriage and perhaps in this situation it would also help if she had more female friends. I think that your husband needs to get over it. 2. He still likes paul and is friends with him but he says that he just feels jealous sometimes. If this was a straight woman friend, I would think she was being horribly disrespectful of you with her behavior. The wife hasn't met up with this male friend again yet but they appear to have been texting A LOT. Sep 2, 2014. My husband has trust issues since his ex wife cheated on him. Not saying that he's right, because he isn't, but sometimes it is what it is. If your wife has a close male friend, its only natural to wonder if they have feelings for each other. I guess I would suggest pursuing a friendship with Joe's fiancee and see if your husband and Joe might be interested in becoming acquainted. Whether anything was acted on or not, that man has at some point thought of the relationship being more. I mean, I've had a ton of male friends over the years and have both had and seen many successful male/female friendships, but this is totally out of bounds. Wife's Male Friend I haven't read the other responses, but here's my two cents: If I didn't have any male friends, I'd have very few friends. Or would you feel the same about her having a friendship with ANY guy? Try again. 5. - Quora. You can take steps to maintain a flirty friendship without crossing the line. Be frank, tell her that you are jealous. She's treating the other guy like her boyfriend. One of the three prime reasons people get jealous includes the inability to handle "the unknown." Me and my husband have been married for 4 years. You Guilty of Friend Jealousy, or a Victim However, you should trust your wife and communicate with her if you are feeling insecure. His fiancee has a daughter the same age as my husband's daughter and they became instant friends. If she respects you at all in this marriage, she should see that. It is vanishingly rare that one of us has a social engagement without inviting the other along. You do need to ask yourself if it is really worth it to have phone conversations from time to time if it's going to cause arguments between you and your husband. So who is particularly prone to get upset and disparage a partner's He advised me not to "flaunt" my friendship with Joe, there's no need to talk about it in front of my husband since I could see it upset him. Your email address will not be published. That males friends could be her school friends, her old co-workers, her neighboards, or anywhere. Now I think it's more my schedule is really busy and his is even busier, not the issue of his wife being jealous. 3. Its best to talk with your friend directly, rather than making dramatic assumptions about their behavior. so i would not feel right questioning it or acting territorial. It changed. I asked my wife about it, and she assured me that nothing was going on between them. a year after they married, "Joe" came into town. If your wifes best friend gets jealous of other men, it may be a sign that he has feelings for her. I need a Splenda-like substitutefor jealousy. Some men are not comfortable with cross-sex relationships and you need to respect that. Since you have to live with your husband and you obviously want to preserve that relationship over all others, you may have to do what is comfortable for your husband. a Friend Who Flirts with Your Spouse I tell him everything and anything. wife Plus, its always more fun to spend time with someone when youre not feeling jealous. Why are you not moving out tomorrow with a a big middle finger pointed in her direction? Sometimes I know DH just wants to talk with the wife because she would always talk to him when he needed someone to talk to when he was going through his divorce and in a way I appreciate it because sometimes he listens to her better than he listens to me, and he takes what she says better, whereas with me he tends to get all defensive sometimes. Many participants cited jealousy (from their partners) as one of the main drawbacks in maintaining their friendship. I would not end it. While its important to trust your gut in these situations, there are some things you can do to ease your mind and make sure your relationship is still on track. However, if shes not able to reassure you, then you may need to take some action to protect your marriage. This is an awkward and very gray area and the two of you might benefit from some facilitated/counselled conversation since it sounds like there are some deeper issues for your husband. We are friends with single people of the same sex, or couples.We NEVER hang out with alone, or talk with alone (purposefully) people of the opposite sex. 11. 11 Signs Your Partner Has Unhealthy Jealousy Real, true friends will recognize and respect that, and still be there anyway. Work Coping with wife talking to other men How To Tell A Mother-In-Law To Mind Her Own Business? The girl has a guy friend whose trying to fuck her. if Your Wife Likes Another Man Sometimes your anxiety about the past leads you to do things that only add to your anxiety and alienate your partner. One way to combat jealousy is to spend more time with your wife. Should have previewed. "He is convinced that Joe would never want to be my friend unless he had "ulterior motives." WebIt's your right. I recognize that, but am not offended at it. Why are you letting yourself tolerate this and be treated this way? It was worth it. You asked a question, which got more emphatic replies of "you're not being irrationally jealous, what she's doing isn't normal for a spouse" than you expected. Yet here we are, with dozens of people telling you to be more controlling. He doesn't need a VAR for that. Drop your friend and put your husband and his feelings first. How Jealous Are You I've been in the situation where the woman isn't getting what she needs from her husband emotionally and I'm the guy paying attention to her and we become almost an item. Would you have the same issue with this were it a female friend? Find out why shes keeping secrets and see if you can work together to improve communication in your marriage. I am also not suggesting you lie to your husband about anything - just that sometimes it's easier not to say anything (if you decide to e-mail instead of talk onm the phone) because while you might not be doing anything wrong, again, it's not worth the grief they give you sometimes over something so small and stupid. You can't "put limits" on her, she's an adult. All rights reserved. EDITED TO ADD: After reading some of the other answers, I wonder how your hubby would respond if you asked him if he has any female friends himself that are just strictly friends and if he's ever felt anything more toward them, or if he thinks that men and women can be good friends with nothing else between them. No. I would agree that it sounds like your hubby is just being insecure and can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that you guys can just be friends and have nothing else going on between you. If you feel comfortable with something short of that, good for you. Your husband comes first. She has a male GF. Why Are Narcissists So Jealous Strategies to overcome insecurity/jealousy of How do I stop being so paranoid in my relationship? OR this is just the tip of the iceberg, and shows a familiarity between the two of them that exists in private. He is convinced that Joe would never want to be my friend unless he had "ulterior motives." I suggest that your husband will be jealous of any friendship with a man. I don't care if the guy is stupid and ugly with a horrible disposition. If your wifes best friend tries to win her over, it may be a sign that he has feelings for her. It's simple- you don't want to drive a wedge b/w you and your husband and he has told you that this relationship makes him uncomfortable so end it. Dear Miss Manners: My best friend since childhood is getting married in about six months time. That was really nice and helped her feel more secure I think. It would be nice if you could just sit down with him and reassure him that it's strictly friendship but he may or may not choose to believe it. I have a friend, she happens to be a girl, we are not together. Theres a blurry line between attentiveness and pressure. I think some men just can't understand how a man and a woman could be friends and nothing else - which is exactly the case here. Once he realizes that he doesn't need to trust Joe, whom he doesn't know, but merely needs to trust you, then your friendship with Joe would probably be much less of a concern. It is important to first understand and identify why you feel jealous or bad when your girlfriend talks to Research shows that jealousy is often fueled by insecurity, not love for a partner. My husband is very nice to everyone and he helped Joe with his car a number of times, but our 'Joe' became rather annoying in our lives and my husband clearly resented it. What is it about relationship with her male friends that feels threatening to you? My "best friend" told another that if he had known I was really serious about getting married he would have done something about it before I did. At the same time, assure them that their friendship means a lot to you, and you don't want this new romance to change anything. We both trust each other to be faithful - period. IF you HUSBAND is #1 and there is not more to this "friendship" why would you hold resentment? But nevertheless, you should get your friend's permission before divulging him coming out to you before you tell your husband. i bet she is not telling you every time they are "having lunch" together either. a friendship could be inappropriate I asked this because you posted a previous question to this effect. I have lots of old friends I don't have any more. How To Know Neither Of Your Wife Or Her Male Friend Have Feelings For Other? Your husband only needs to trust _you_.
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