should i be worried about my wife's male friend

If your spouse has a close friend of the opposite sex, it doesnt mean you need to find someone right away. Some may feel uncomfortable with their spouse having close friendships with members of the opposite sex, while others may be more open-minded. Take some time to think about ways you can focus on your marriage. Inappropriate Friendships When Married: Should You Be Worried? Men and women have different life experiences and can offer insight into a different approach to situations. Always on the lookout for reassurance that shes indeed loved and valued and inclined to be hypervigilant about possible threats her demands may well seem to suck the oxygen out of the room and can cause her partner to withdraw under what feels like a siege. If it is bothering you, I don't think it's silly to bring it up in counseling. Many participants cited jealousy (from their partners) as one of the main drawbacks in maintaining their friendship. As a result, your spouse might start withdrawing from you. Explanations may be just excuses. Should I worry about wife's male friendship? Sometimes, one person might develop romantic feelings, and it can be damaging to the friendship if the other party doesnt reciprocate those feelings. Such friendships support problem-solving, survival, physical protection, and, in some cases, increased sexual access. You really understand each other. I'd start by getting to actually know your wife, 'pretty and nice' are not her most important characteristics. Many people often find themselves wondering whether its okay to have a best friend of the opposite gender. (You won't be happy if your wife is gone every night.) If you truly believe that your wife is faithful to you, then theres no reason to be threatened by her having male friends. Are your friends worried about whats going on? But some things need to change. Consider reflecting on these emotions and writing them down. Its a respect thing for me. Many married women (and married men) insist that having a best friend of the opposite sex is perfectly healthy. This might mean learning to balance the time you spend out with your friends. Living with another human being long-term is difficult. They jumped from Facebook to full-blown just texting each other (easier to hide). Marriage and family are changing rapidly. These three horsemen tend to show up together. Are Your Spouse's Friends Interfering in Your Marriage? Abigail Brenner, M.D., is a psychiatrist in private practice. Happy couples need time apart and to. Having male friends as a married woman is perfectly normal and healthy. Our experiences in childhood affect not just our need and tolerance for intimacy, but also our ability to engage in discussion without feeling threatened; this is especially true of those who have an avoidant attachment style. It will also explore how to cope with questionable issues if they arise. Posted February 19, 2018 In the aftermath of an affair, only the couple can decide if their marriage can survive. No one hides friendships, but they sure hide affairs emotional or otherwise. I found a photo of my husband on Facebook 4 years ago cuddling each other. My husband had not seen her for 35 years. I would like to think that it really doesnt matter what they have between their legs because its not like the female acquaintance was my biggest cheerleader, in fact she was not a cheerleader at all so nothing that she wouldve said about my issue whether she had an opinion or an attempt to dissuade me it wouldnt matter because I was going to do what I wanted to do anyway. While these feelings are understandable, its important to approach the situation with an open mind and to trust in the communication and commitment within the marriage. He or she may make you feel paranoid, jealous, controlling, or pathetic. Avoiding one's partner may be rationalized as "keeping the peace," but needs to stop if the relationship is to be salvaged. With the rise of online dating, people are frequently introducing two entirely distinct groups of friends making this merging that much more challenging. And then again, they may not need you because their needs are being met by someone else. Finally, you crack. It may be that interactions with family are more relevant for the stability and happiness of black marriages than for white marriages. Its reasonable to like the occasional post or video. While its normal for friends to share their concerns, your spouse should come to you first if they have a problem. 119139). Instead, list your feelings and thoughts as objectively as you can. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more! Even though when you marry, you suddenly have access to additional social "resources" (i.e., additional relatives and friends you can call on for advice or support when you need it; Acock & Demo, 1994), you may not always get along with those relatives and friends well enough to benefit from those resources. At the time when I met my wife I was dealing with a serious bout of alcoholism where I was drinking a fifth a day. Of course, trust is a two-way street. is Having opposite-sex friendships important? Sometimes, a spouse is left alone a lot and meets someone at a social function, at the gym, or even picking up the kids at school. If my wife took of her ring before going to a party, because of peer pressure, she would definitely need to change that group of friends or I would change my wife. Trustworthy people do not lie about how they are spending their time. A Guide for Women. Don't get me wrong, I trust my wife - you write that but you clearly don't. You paint a picture of yourself as jealous and insecure, and neither are attractive qualities. Reading Suggestion: 30 Big Signs a Guy Is Flirting With You, They also may offer differing viewpoints on life and situations that you might not have considered before, opening your mind and broadening your horizons.. He also loaned this woman my old car when she took a job near our hometown. What feels wrong to you may seem entirely reasonable to someone else. Often, these sexual encounters are highly emotionally charged. Your spouses behavior toward you changes. Single women without children are often happier and healthier than men and married women with children. You as crazy as this sounds in as much as a touchy subject this is Im definitely dealing with this right now. While these feelings are understandable, it's important to approach the situation with an open mind and to trust in the communication and commitment within the marriage. But sometimes, they're just a series of sexual encounters that often dont add up to much. More than ever, people marry each other in response to romantic love. VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. Period. Its a natural phenomenon and shouldnt be frowned upon. This was hidden from me for a decade. That said, opposite-sex friends can interfere with a marriage if they: If something feels questionable or wrong, thats a warning sign of an inappropriate friendship. Dear Therapist: My Husband Is Texting a Female 'Friend' - The Atlantic If anything, it builds more resentment and animosity. Emotional affairs can cause people to feel less attracted and engaged with their partners. Likewise, they arent always obvious, which is why people often get away with them. According to Tina Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist, and author, get it right out there in the open and discuss it. Keeping open communication and showing respect for ones partners feelings can help maintain a healthy and secure relationship. Why would you feel jealous? Ideally, you believe in your partner and give them the benefit of the doubt. However, others argue that these friendships can be just as valuable and cherished as same-sex friendships. A man, you got a d*%# youre gonna cheat she gave me a whole heap of sh%# for my simple conversation of catching up with Isamar all because I didnt tell her about it. There is plenty of research highlighting the challenges associated with in-law relationships; for example, one study showed that even in long-term marriages, conflicts with extended family can erode marital stability and satisfaction over time. Ignoring it wont make the issue go away. She needs to realize that family comes first, and that you can continue the relationship by yourself. She needs to go and cant be trusted. Healthy relationships should never feel like a nasty competition. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Start reflecting on the following questions: Answering yes to any of these questions is a cause for concern. A true friend will have your partners best interest at heart. I knew my wife was hurting but I was hurting just as bad but for the most part I kept it all to myself. We often let our feeling lead our behavoir, which can lead to relational problems. Your spouse suddenly changes their appearance. Finally after a few months my husband realised that they over stepped the marriage boundaries. In any relationship, you have the right to assert your needs. I even said Holy Hell!!! Although you may be worried about your husband's work relationship becoming something more, if your husband doesn't contact his female colleague outside of work, then it's likely that there's nothing more going on between them. Or perhaps your husband has a drinking buddy whom you feel is a bad influence on him? Sometimes emotional affairs are cries for help, a way through a difficult period, and a means for getting attention that may be lacking. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. It is also clear that how our friends or our partners friends perceive us can impact our relationship in fact, if our friends do not approve of our relationship, that relationship is less likely to last (Doxey & Holman, 2002; Sprecher et al., 2002). So its hugely important that you seek the advice of a marriage counselor at their first appearance. 9. In terms of my ex, it's a long story. Does my friend treat my spouse rudely or make no effort to build a friendship? If you have nothing to hide, you hide nothing. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00963.x, Sprecher, S., Felmlee, D., Orbuch, T. L., & Willetts, M. C. (2002). To many people, then, an emotional affair is just as bad as a sexual affair. You may need to implement new boundaries with your friend. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. After all, its often necessary to be on the job longer hours for a specific project and/or for a certain period of time. Make rules and set boundaries. Men overestimate how much their female friends are sexually attracted to them. Aside from having a close friend or family member in whom you can confide and who may help you sort through this difficult experience, a therapist for both couples and individual therapy may lend essential insights and strategies for getting your relationship back on track. Should a Married Woman Have a Man as Her Best Friend? A female acquaintance or friend whatever you wanna call her happening to work at the first facility that my mother was at Post acute, we talked about my mother and some of the workers that were there that I happen to know and that my sister dealt with. Yet, just one of these may be enough to end a marriage, although some people will put up with infidelity throughout a marriage for many personal reasons. Are you feeling afraid or sad? Thats why defining an inappropriate friendship starts with understanding your partner and recognizing your own boundaries. Well in your wifes defense, I've been in this situation and it also was 'appearing' that my wife's brother's wife (my sister in law by marriage) and I had something going on. If you wouldnt want your spouse to have this same kind of relationship with someone of the opposite sex, thats how you know youre crossing a line. Or, will she be happy?. wife's male friend - Infidelity - LoveShack.org Source: Opposite Sex Friendships: 3 Scenarios and What to Do. Furthermore, wives are much more likely than husbands to discuss their marital problems with their friends, which, over time, may make any existing marital concerns worse and could actually increase the likelihood of divorce. Posted October 16, 2018 Enjoy banner ad-free browsing with Talk About Marriage Plus. For example, maybe you dont really like all the time your wife spends with her friends and/or family, but think about what kind of support they may provide can you reframe it and think about how those individuals are benefiting your wife and/or helping you as a couple? What is this inappropriate friend offering you that your spouse cannot? What other obstacles, if any, have you faced? Acock, A. C., & Demo, D. H. (1994). I was happy anxious to tell my mother but I was going to wait a little while. My husband also reconnected with his high school crush (they never dated because she was dating his friend). Finally, remember that working on your marriage does not mean just focusing on your relationship with each other; its also about considering your relationships with your friends and family (those you have in common and your own). If you think that this friendship is inappropriate then you are completely justified in this point of view. The Friend Who Never Asks How You Are. Posted March 17, 2019 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan When you think of an affair, the first thing that comes to mind is sexual intimacy with another person outside of the marriage. Reading Suggestion: HELP! There is a particular man who she has befriended that worry me. Many couples find relief knowing there are practical solutions for improving their relationship satisfaction. Ask them to be honest with their feedback- if theyre just going to side with you, their opinion probably wont be that worthwhile. What we found is that among white couples, when . Many times, inappropriate friendships emerge as a reaction to relationship problems. He was helping a friend out. Inappropriate friendships arent always easy to define. Its important to evaluate each friendship and be aware of any potential issues that could arise. Very few issues in a relationship are strictly black or white. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. But if you notice a chronic pattern or your spouse refuses to listen to your concerns, there might be deeper issues at play. And as we know, friendships are essential for human connection and validation. My Spouse Is So Annoying. How to get out of a bad marriage with no money? (2002). emotional distress. One possible question you can use to reflect on when it comes to behaving and talking with friends is this, if my spouse were here, would s/he feel uncomfortable? 5 Ways to Ensure You Find Your Love the Second Time Around, 5 Reasons It's Better to Be Friends Before Lovers, 5 Strategies to Cope With Toxic Family Members, 7 Steps to Create a Roadmap for Your Life, Why So Many Single Women Without Children Are Happy. Keeping score doesnt make for a healthy relationship. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. 2) You two need to have a different conversation, one that doesn't involve . Journal of Marriage and Family, 65, 963977. However, when it comes to forming new friendships with individuals of the opposite gender, especially when married, it can sometimes be perceived as threatening or inappropriate. | Interestingly, men were more likely to overestimate how much their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them. You may want to have a friendship with them, but this friendship shouldnt exist with the intent to sabotage them. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. However, the interference variable mentioned earlier (husbands reporting that their wives friends "interfere" in the marriage) was a strong predictor of divorce for both blacks and whites implying that they are not immune from these effects. However, this possibility also means that there are certain rules and gender boundaries, which must be followed to ensure that the friendship remains platonic. As human beings, its common for us to form new connections with different individuals throughout our lives, whether it be in the workplace, through mutual friends or even online. Of course there is a reasonable expectation of privacy in marriage. But the anxious-preoccupied style that many unloved daughters display can equally provide the fuel for this toxic pattern. Dec 17, 2022 We have been married 8 years, overall a good marriage (second for both of us). Talking through it with a third party may get you to realize it's no big deal or get your wife to realize it's not a healthy relationship to have within your marriage, whichever may be the case, but it's better to work through it than to let it fester within.

612 Broad St, Sewickley, Pa, Articles S