Unfortunately since I wrote to you last a serious event came up with my relationship and Im gonna have to get your advice again please. Try and think how an A-list celebrity would act if his girlfriend was accost in a similar way. Trusting your girlfriend is not about trusting her on your terms; it is about trusting her on mutual terms. I do provide a priority e-mail service for a small fee but I reply to every e-mail I receive as soon as I can either way. A main factor in achieving that is making sure that you never inadvertently undermine her. At around midnight my newly acquired girlfriend who was extremely drunk called me to come meet up with her at the club. But after showing her compassion and the love a true relationship should have, she has changed. You dont have to become best friends with him but being polite to him and trying to understand where he is coming from will help in two ways: it will make you feel better about the situation and more in control and also make him respect you as a person that he doesnt want to betray. She's not just being . Second, I just do not enjoy the imagery I get in my head every time she describes these situations. After I left for home, she went out one night and she said he tried to give her a ride back to the frat house to party and then he got her and one of her friends to come up to his room and tried to give both of them drinks. She has this shy element that really makes her attractive to me and obliviously others. its a pain in my ass. As for the issue with checking the mobile phone, I can understand the desire to want to see what she is texting other people but at the same time, there is a certain element of privacy that you should respect. Of course you will naturally talk about what you have been up to whilst apart but it should come from a place of interest and love rather than from fear or jealousy. This went down really well for me so if you think it will work well with your girlfriends parents then it is worth considering. She has also been one of my best friends for the last 3 years so i know alot about her. How should I really feel about it if she is needing the attention from attractive men because she never really got the chance to go through that? Theres nothing you can specifically do about this but calmly letting her know you are a bit uneasy about the way he is talking to her whilst not acting jealous or threatened is the best way to deal with it. By not accepting her supposedly innocent friendships with other men and becoming resentful for those friendships, you are actually proving the necessity for their existence. As of now, your girlfriend says she likes this other guy only as a friend and that is probably true. Discuss with your girlfriend which aspects of this guys behaviour she thinks are inappropriate and ways she can stop him doing it without causing any drama. Keep going Thank you. Just because you have a specific boundary when it comes to external attraction and escalation and a preferred way to deal with it, it doesnt mean your girlfriend necessarily shares that exact protocol. When me and my current gf first started dated this ex physically pushed us at a bar that they saw us at. We simply moved on until he came across an old High School friend. Before you can expect to have direct influence over how your girlfriend views other guys and how she communicates that to you, you have to make her feel that any feelings of jealousy you have are with good intentions and never malicious or personal. I have told him to go home if it continues and to be respectful. I know she is doing this subconciously, but it really affects me and Im struggling with it. Sam, I wanted to praise you for this intuitive quote: How open and honest a woman is in a relationship directly correlates to how honest you make her feel she can be!. She doesnt keep me informed to these messages I just have to find them and confront her with them. I dont really have any problems with her, our relationship is stable and very much happy. Right now were basically taking some time away from one another. She also has alot of friends that are guys and it seems like they flirt with her alot. my parents are pastors,and her mom is a preacher. Let her be her own woman and let her know that you trust her. My girlfriend always texting with him. If your girlfriend really wanted to go off with someone else, she would have done it by now. What do you think the best way to act in the situation is both with her and potentially around him? Using the hot-tub scene as an example, you could have led your girlfriend away in a confident manner: Hey sweetie, let me show you something quickly. As for now, if she has already agreed to be a bit more decisive with this other guy then I would wait and see if anything changes first before bringing up the topic again. I love it! She is a very nice girl who is very attractive and other guys at work (not her boss) have hit on her and she has rejected them. one talked about how drunk she was and how she was taking shots (something she doesnt usually do). It was in the end for the best because I ended up with who I was supposed to end up with. i have trust issues, and though we really love eachother, should i not trust her in this situation? She made a mistake while training for her new job and was being very hard on herself. You choose. Its none of my business, I understand, because we were apart, but I feel as if she kept this from me when we asked eachother if wed been with someone. Presumably your girlfriend tells you, which is another indicator that you have nothing to worry about. Is your girlfriend becoming notably distressed by this graduate students behaviour? (Women need to constantly feel reassured and know if they are still wanted and desired.). And I Want Trust Her.. I want to ask him to stop, but would that be overstepping my boundaries? Confronting this guy or exasperating the situation rarely helps in the long run. Having said that, there is most likely something in how you are conveying your standards alongside the whole issue of respecting each others feelings. Making sure your relationship is fulfilling for both of you and encouraging each other to be more open about these sorts of things are two separate issues, but they most certainly correlate with each other. Having a partner who is willing to discuss feelings is great when it is done with mutual understanding. I dont mind it at least it shows he cares but I want him to learn to trust me. Its a situation where I completely trust her just not him so I just need some advice on how to approach it. When I say abusive I mean physically, and verbally/emotionally to the point where my ex retaliated one time and is now having to take anger management classes, even though it should have been the other way around. I told my girlfriend that she should just threaten to report him to the authorities without actually reporting him but she said she was just going to ignore him. Aldi Just Dropped a New Sweet Treat, and Shoppers Can't Wait to Get I was pissed off, as i have short temper, so i asked her not to talk to this guy again, because from what i read from the convo, it was her cousin who was the one trying to lead her to that inappropriate topic. Thanks in advance. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. I dont want her to lie about things anymore and Im starting to feel inadequate or not good enough for her because she keeps doing these things to me. When it comes to guys hitting on your girlfriend, it doesnt matter what the other guys intentions are, it matter what your girlfriends intentions are! All the best and thanks for reading the website, Ive been dating a wonderful girl since mid-December 2011. A random day my girlfriend went out really fast and left the facebook logged, i tried to resist but i couldnt and i checked her messages and i noticed a guy was flirting with her, she doesnt really answers all the things he says and by that i mean, she answers but not the way i think he wants her to answer him, he says things like: Trust and jealousy are things that are cured over time, through positive experience and by not letting emotion influence logic. We no longer hang out with the roommate as much, and its more my girl hanging out with the roommate when i am away at work. Don't tell her "It's nothing!" or "You're being dramatic" because they can cut deep, especially if she's being told those things all her life. While the popular chain has already become the talk of the town due to the news breaking of its . Once again, if someone is really stepping over the mark (and this should be more from your girlfriends point of view than your own) then you can tell them. Its likely that shell be out a lot and that her days will be hectic and busy. There are plenty more quotes that are equally and more than inappropriate. My girlfriend has a friend one year younger than both of us two, and they have been friends for 1 year i think (1 month more than me and her) He would politely and calmly remove his woman from the situation and not get involved in anything beneath him. she went to central america on a surfing yoga retreat vacation. She was texting throughout the night and around 1am she was showing me something her on her phone, he texted her. Hello, I have a question. ever since everyone in their classes confirm that he continually hits on her, but i trusted her and let it slide. I have asked, begged, for WEEKS for her to stop dropping names and it isnt stopping. should i just drop it and see how it goes, or should i do what my gut is telling me and just go in swinging on him. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. I hate that she gets those messages, and i dont want to apologize for my feelings about them but at the same time I dont want to be unmoving and a controlling asshole. Making sure she is safe and not to be taken advantage of is a different matter entirely; a girl wondering around random tents at night on her own doesnt sound particularly safe on the face of it so you could ring her in those situations. As a start, the way to get your girlfriend to be completely honest and open about these sorts of things is to let her know that you wont overreact, or more importantly JUDGE her. You cant influence what other mens intentions are, but you can continue to solidify the bond and trust you two have, which is actually more important. Regardless of all the past relationships Ive had where my exs have cheated on me, I still keep an open heart, wanting to believe my girlfriend is the one for me. Also an Unknown number texted her and Pretty much asked if she was with me and then said text me to her but she denied knowing who it was when it was apparent that they knew her i just wish i didnt think she was doing stuff behind my back when it seems like She isIt also seems like she could careless when we get in an argument And its like if we dont talk again she would be ok. Shes the type of girl who isnt all lovey dovey and doesnt get jealous which is different from what Im use to. If she is happy to behave like this with one guy then she will with others. This other guys social intuition obviously isnt that well calibrated and its common for guys to abandon their morals when alcohol is involved and theyre mistaking a womans politeness or friendliness as attraction. Its only been 2 days since we last talked and Im already all antsy. No. There are usually two contrasting relationships that develop once a couple split up. Youve done the right thing in letting her know that it isnt acceptable but not becoming too visibly threatened by it all. If such attitudes persist, she will start to feel like she cant actually be the person she wants to be whilst in a relationship with you. That was our relationship problems. Nothing came of their friendship, maybe it was just closure. I kept yelling at her saying, she doing shit when she cried and freaked out. Second to this, you cant expect your intuition to always match that of your girlfriend. April 26, 2018By Kate The last thing you want to deal with is a pissed off girlfriend, but it does happen. Well she works at a local applebees and one of her co-workers keeps on hitting on he. I do not ussually do so in some cases but its because he asks every single day to see my phone and I get the feeling he doesnt trust me. She put him in his place real good recently, so he didnt talk to her from then on, but I can see him staring at her for minutes while in class. Also she is always texting other guys and they say really inappropriate things to her and she never says anything inappropriate back but she keeps texting them anyway? I have a question regarding my current relationship that I am hoping you can shed some light on. Although you think of your girlfriend as a perfect 10, dont let that influence treating her any differently than you normally would. We dated for 2 years, 3 years ago and i feel like weve both done a lot of growing up. She took her money that she got for her dentist appointment from her mom (as I had no control over the situation and was unfortunate not to help my gf in any means at that time when she needed me the most). We genuinely appreciate your support. Your girlfriend should actually be praised for being so open with you regardless of how immediate she was in telling you. But the real battle, for me, is really taming my mind to actually feel this way, as opposed to me acting a certain way but in my head still not quite being satisfied. You can make guided observations if you like but let your girlfriend make her own judgements and have faith in them. That same night the roommate drunkenly drove far away to another city to be with friends. She can come off as a little flirty because she is so friendly to everyone. As for the arguments, the best thing to do after any argument or fight is to not dwell on the feelings or the content behind it. Like you say, blowing off the rail or showing too much jealousy will play against you. I was wondering if you had some advice for me. It is difficult to fully analyse your own relationship whilst you are physically apart; our minds tend to fill in the gaps of scenarios that were never really an issue. Having the fear that someone more rich, handsome, and muscular is hitting on our girlfriend can be daunting. A prime example of this is when she was on holiday for a week with her friends, they met up with some guys (who she described as so cute and innocent) on a few nights, which she had arranged by texting one of them quite alot, I found out when she returned that she didnt tell them she had a boyfriend and nor did one of her other friends in a relationship. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. should i say something to him, or wait to see if he really does cross the line? The advice and thoughts from both Sam and you have been very helpful and I hope you have some energy to provide more. Working on the relationship as a whole is what will earn your partners trust, respect and commitment. As I mentioned at the beginning of the above article, university and college is a time where these concerns are particularly heightened. I read a few comments but didnt see anything on my situation. New Zealand. At first I was like alright she seems pretty cool but then she literally jumps at him and hugs all over him. On my side, I dont have much of anyone hitting on me, and if they do I appologize and tell them clearly that I have a girlfriend. As long as there are no genuine suspicions that something is going on then it is one of those cases where you just have to deal with it in your own way whenever the negative thoughts and feelings are brewing. im super insecure about it and scared that their advances will win back my gf. I know this because she stands out and you cant skip over her if you tried. even during this time we were apart.. whenever she comes to visit, she would come and sleep in an embrace with me at night. It is fair to maintain friendships with men that want more than friendship as long as she is clear about that friendship and doesnt intentionally lead them on. How to Deal With Other Guys Hitting on the Same Girl as You As long as the deeper feelings are mutual then its fine to gradually become more serious as it were. You guys would benefit from discussing some of the things you are discussing here in person as a lot of the issues seem to be built-up emotions that can be easily resolved with a bit of mutual understanding. Youve done the right thing by not making a big deal out of it with your girlfriend thus far. The way youve described your relationship sounds great and it sounds like you have a really solid, happy relationship. was that the proper way to handle it? These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. that makes me little bit jealous because I know my gf will interact with them because she is very nice to everyone what can I do to control this situation or to make my friends or guys go away. i was once again a fool to forgive her. . What really matters is how your girlfriend feels about it. Obviously she will be in a far more vulnerable state whilst drunk though so youre right that there is the risk of her being taken advantage of. Did she really not see him or hook up with him when she said she never did? Second is to limit how much you drink during those particular moments, at least to experience how you feel when alcohol isnt fuelling emotions. If he is doing it for reasons not directly aimed at you, then you convey a whole host of insecurities by reacting in that way. meaning he was to rough and she says that nothing is better then doing it with someone you love which Im guessing is her saying she loves it with me not him, and she said she was just experimenting, seeing if the grass is greener on the other side. That is the definition of logic influencing emotions. If it was another coworker, it could be different, but it is her direct supervisor who promoted her and now is taking her out for drinks. There is a balance between letting her see things from your perspective and imposing unnecessary and forceful restrictions. She also got quite angry when he was talking to me over her. I had an experience today, that i wasnt okay with. If she calls and says I can make things work, do I re-list the things I want her to do? Giving yourself some space will give both of you time to think about your actions. Theres even the possibility that she is hinting that she wants more attention or validation from you. There is no right time to move in with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Overall, your relationship does sound very healthy, what with how you guys communicate and how you talk about your girlfriend. The goal in the short term is to be able to control any fears and urges to react negatively rather than letting them control you. If you feel . Your girlfriends feelings and behaviour have no doubt changed considerably since all of this happened and so discussing intricate details with the sole aim of reassuring yourself about her commitment is likely to be fruitless. She is perfect in every way and even though i didnt expect it iv fallen in love. Abuse leaves long-lasting emotional trauma, even for men. I did most of my dating in my 20s and got married at 31. Thanks for the response, sam, I appreciate it. and also am I being love drunk and not seeing she really did enjoy it but since she had a bf thats the only thing stopping her from dumping me to have sex with him? The greeting probably has no real significance or intent from this other guy and certainly not on your girlfriends behalf, so calmly letting their short interaction pass and then taking back the focus of the conversation is probably the best advice. Should I post it or should I lay off? Things with this particular guy will blow over if you do the above whilst preventing yourself from fuelling any fires, so to speak. Its hard to know exactly how intense or lustful her feelings for your girlfriend are and they may very well be changeable, as infatuation generally is. We have been together almost two years. As the conversation of the group continued I looked at him once with a are you kidding me? look and he didnt react at all. They can easily be justified rightly or wrongly as a result of insecurities and undesirable behaviour on your behalf, as well as inadequate mutual awareness and understanding. I prefer to use the term common rather than normal when referring to discomfort towards other men approaching your partner. First, I think it bothers me that being in a relationship apparently means nothing to them (even the american guys). Because of this, a useful way I find to overcome the situation is to force myself to treat them like I would if I wasnt aware of their infatuation at all. It does sound like your girlfriend is being sincere with the way she has now confessed everything to you. Thanks and hopefully you can share your thoughts. She was crying and freaking out and honestly, I believe I was not at all supportive. Its just SO tempting and easy to become judgmental, angry, and defensive when your girlfriend reveals certain kinds of information to you. Think about what makes you confident in those areas and how you feel at the time and apply them to your relationship. Let me know how things go and thanks again for reading the website. And I do believe that some of this is my fault too. The point about jealousy in a relationship is not simply dont be jealous but dont be NEEDLESSLY jealous; the latter being jealousy stemming from insecurity and fear. Appropriate behaviour in this instance should be judged on a lack of inappropriate behaviour rather than something quantifiable by itself. One guy in particular, who is supposed to be in my group of friends, tries talking to her alot over facebook and by texting her.
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